‘Isn’t Being Pregnant Just an Appearance in Awareness?’

This piece below is by Unmani who is basically an advaita teacher, but who we note still uses her sannyas name

“Someone in a meeting recently asked me a question that was confusing him. ‘Why are you making such a big deal about being pregnant? Isn’t it just an appearance in Awareness?’  This is just such a sweet question that I felt inspired to write a few paragraphs in response to it.

It is true to say that, just like every other experience is happening in what I am, being pregnant is just an appearance, or phenomenon, happening in the Awareness that I am. Every human experience, no matter how intense, pleasurable, painful, or anything in between, can only ever be happening in the Awareness that is always aware of it all. But the paradox of life, is that even though your true identity is Awareness, you are also this human. To use Awareness to deny our humanity is one of the common pitfalls of the spiritual path. The thinking wants to fall on either one side or the other side of the paradox: to identify with Awareness, or to identify with this human.



However, the reality is both. 

Being pregnant is such a very human experience, or in fact journey of experiences. There are so many new and strange physical sensations, and changes happening for this body, as well as lots of emotions and deep insights. It is a growing journey happening in time over 9 months, with such a sweet deepening that happens so beautifully, gently and graciously as nature unfolds in this time. There is no ‘big deal’ being added, or needed to be added, to this already so perfect unfolding. But to stand back and appreciate it for what it is, there is just such a ‘Wow!’ at it all. It is a bit like the ‘Wow!’ of looking into a microscope to watch the detail of a cell dividing, or appreciating how nature works its’ astonishing magic in the blossoming of a beautiful flower. It really is mind-blowing. 

And with this ‘Wow!’ at nature, being pregnant is also such a personal journey into whatever might still be held onto, or feared. It is all such a surrender to nature, that any trying to control or manipulate shows up as a great and painful contrast.

Letting go, and letting go, and letting go…. Letting go of ideas about how this body should feel or look. Letting go of fears about the birth. Letting go of old ideas and beliefs about being a perfect parent. Letting go of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ about what a child might need. Letting go of old wounds from my own childhood. Not knowing how to do any of it. And falling into such an unlimited trust… Trust that this body knows exactly what to do in pregnancy and birth. Trust that the mother will be born when the child is born. Trust that this life is unfolding just as it needs to. This is not an attitude of trust, but a falling into nothing, with nothing to hold onto. It is such a big trust that even the word ‘Trust’ can not be held onto.

 And this Trust is where the two sides of the paradox can meet.

The Awareness that you are, is also that unlimited Trust that can be acknowledged in this play of humanity. In knowing yourself to be that, that is aware of the whole play of humanity, there is more and more possibility for that to be lived in the human expression. There is less emphasis on the worries, manipulations, and fears of thought. And without believing in everything that thought says, there is just a free-fall into whatever is happening. No extra meaning is added, but a possibility to appreciate the simplicity of the very existence of experiences just as they are. This does not mean that the human experience is always free of discomfort, but that life is more and more lived in freedom and gratitude for its own sake. The journey of being pregnant is nothing more than an appearance in Awareness, but at the same time, what an amazingly mind-blowing, ‘Wow!’ journey into the unknown.

Unmani, 13th April, 2015


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45 Responses to ‘Isn’t Being Pregnant Just an Appearance in Awareness?’

  1. madhu dagmar frantzen says:

    And how timely is That in This, according to the rivering of thread issues…(this spring-time).

    ´love.is.com´, ´death.is.com´, and ´die to love.com´ – finally, Unmani, appearing in Sannyasnews, Unmani appearing in Unmani – and as well, bringing life-issues and death issues in a dance together, beyond as within personal (human) aspects.

    Love it.

    I have to add, I feel, that I have been just now being pulled to the computer to respond, after one (for me) timeless hour of listening to the historical side of DAO(ism)…so you might excuse my choice of verbalizations, as I feel well ´at home´ when listening to these wisdom whisperings, always.

    And to make it also clear, I am more embodying my being thus attracted than embodying why THAT is.

    Otherwise though, in the DAO, I feel anyway part of, no matter what I might embody just now. Very vulnerable and mysteriously also the opposite…

    So – the good-wine sessions are continuing? Seems so, for that, I call ´me´ just now.



  2. Lokesh says:

    Unmani’s perception is one of intelligence and understanding. Makes an enlightening read. Can’t say I can relate to it all, but there is little that I could debate about in the content of her words. She is telling the truth whether she is aware of it or not. One never knows from a distance.

    She might be enlightened or maybe a good student. Whatever the case, maybe I can dig it.

  3. frank says:

    Re someone asking: “Isn`t being pregnant just an appearance in Awareness?”

    Do people actually say stuff like that?

    It sounds like whoever asked that is a case for an expert Vedic astrologer:
    “It appears that you have a large asteroid going retrograde in Uranus…Oh dear…it`s your head…
    The crowbar…!”

  4. simond says:

    I attended one of her meetings once. She was sweet, but it was reminiscent of an Andrew Cohen talk, with little or nothing to do with living and a great deal with over-introspective navel-gazing. Such is the way with so many teachers of meditation who are overly looking ‘east’.

  5. madhu dagmar frantzen says:

    Ooohhh, Dears,
    I saw that coming…in that quite male-energy-oriented ´inner circle’ of contributors here.

    Fact is, that we all, male and female, come into appearance by a process, which is taken here in focus. Not to speak just now about all other aspects which we all inherit when embodied.

    Fact is also that we all have to befriend, while embodying, some two and some more than two sides of a coin.

    I´ve been in a big (cultivated) garden for some hours; the first day this year also that I’ve put my naked feet into running water, the bare feet, one step at a time.
    Like an old wobbling lady.

    That was nice.


    (Bought a good bottle of Spanish wine on the way back to the place where I don´t feel ´home´).

    How did you spend your day? In the ´Balancing Theatre´… breathing in and out…and so forth..?

    Have a good evening.



  6. shantam prem says:

    People have to create questions so that masters/teachers can answer.
    Because many questions are already being covered by someone else in someone else’s talks it has to be new and relevant.

    For example, someone can ask:
    “Madam with Awareness, I have one question: one German woman of 65 is pregnant with quadruplets. What do you think about the spiritual ramifications of such acts? Is not she increasing her Karma?”

  7. madhu dagmar frantzen says:

    Hi Frank,
    you seem to be so utterly expertised in so much stuff; do you remember your birth too, and the time in the womb of your mother? And how about then sharing some very expertizing reports on that, even if they come being sent off from one of your favorite pubs?

    Would enjoy that more in this thread than your and your buddies’ spiritual Tarzan fake as fake can.

    As we all come very naked and vulnerable, so we go naked with a full stop for that roundabout.

    Why not share what YOU know about it all?
    Looking foreword to your contribution.


    • frank says:

      You`ve lost me with the mother’s womb/Tarzan/pub rap.

      Some 20th century philosopher said that philosophical problems are simply misuse of language.

      The question: “Isn`t pregnancy just an appearance in Awareness?” being, in my view, a prime example.
      KP,on the other hand, thinks that getting pregnant is simply a way to escape from your aloneness.

      You decide!

      Now, if you will excuse me, I am off down the pub with Cheetah to sink a few jars with my mate, Witty…
      That guy can think you under the table….

  8. shantam prem says:

    As one of the good Samaritans, I feel happy to serve people. So here I have found out the list of the famous Advaita satsang givers. I am surprised they exist like the psychologists in Yellow Pages.

    Here is a relevant list; Simond will surely find it useful.

  9. Kavita says:

    I think that there is no need to glorify pregnancy; to me, it is most vulgur to be/get pregnant if one is really aware! Maybe awareness came to Unmani after the pregnancy.

    Disclaimer: Iam not going to answer any questions regarding this.

  10. Prem Martyn says:

    It’s probably Richie Benaud immediately reincarnating having prepared himself with a good innings and a laconic commentary lasting days hours and years on nothing happening…then nothing happening…until…nothing happened…then… suddenly…nothing…happened…until…they were all out for 465 declared, whereupon they all felt extremely satisfied with existing.

    • Parmartha says:

      It was a long innings at the crease,
      and the gloaming meant it was hard to see the ball,
      I heard his radio voice from all the world.
      My dear Mr Benaud, I felt you lived,
      but next time round, leave the bat and ball behind
      and join a commune of the bodymind.

      • simond says:


        With your gentle ditty you imply that Richie will need another life, without bat and ball.

        May I suggest you are presumptuous? What makes his love of bat and ball any less than your love of Osho?

        My experience is that there are many people, contented and at peace, who have never had any spiritual background. They are living the truth, whilst we spiritual types are just going round and round in circles.

        What is a commune of the bodymind? Isn’t that a bit old hat? Let’s clear up these fanciful notions once and for all.

        • Parmartha says:

          Simond, thanks.
          This was meant be a humorous ditty for that old lag Prem Martyn.

          He thinks I am some kind of hangover from the fifties who played a lot of cricket, and see the world solely through cricketing metaphors, etc. I never played a lot of cricket, though admit to a fondness for the game.

          This is not serious on his side also, I am sure he thinks he has found a ‘running’ joke to banter me with.

          He also persists in thinking I am the main moderator of this forum – I am not!

          As for Richie Benaud, I found him a comforting and insightful voice. I know nothing of his inner life, except one obituary said that he regretted in old age spending so much time in the sun (he died of skin cancer of the face – not a very pleasant end, one would think).

          I liked zennis when I played it in Pune commune, and still myself consider that a commune of the bodymind ain’t a bad idea, and I benefited from it a great deal. I say this because with another twist of fate I could have probably enjoyed a sole interest life of sport.

          • simond says:

            Thanks, Parmartha. Generous as ever. It has been very helpful for me to see how stuck many spiritual types are (me too!) with ideas that they have borrowed or got stuck with.

            The question about “Awarenes” in pregnancy is a good example of this. The question is so ridiculous, from where I stand. And is a good example of a being stuck in the past mentality.

            Other notions like “commune of the body mind” is one that has passed me by. I’m guessing it is some form of Sannyasin terminology that I’ve missed.

            Would you be so kind to inform me: what does it mean?

  11. swamishanti says:

    My question, which I’ve sometimes wondered about is:
    Can Siamese twins get enlightened? and: Have there ever been any enlightened satsang wallahs?

    I once asked Dr Babottka about this and he just pointed at the sky and said, “Hagadagada!”
    I didn’t get what he meant.

  12. Lokesh says:

    Well, as I always say to all my rich friends, in the hope that they will be conned into giving all their money to me, “It is wealth only that causes all harm and brings about one’s ruin. Bear this truth in mind always. Know that the pursuit of wealth does not lead one to happiness at all. The rich fear and are even afraid of their own sons. This is the outcome of riches anywhere and ever.”

  13. shantam prem says:

    “It is wealth only that causes all harm and brings about one’s ruin. Bear this truth in mind always. Know that the pursuit of wealth does not lead one to happiness at all. The rich fear and are even afraid of their own sons. This is the outcome of riches anywhere and ever.”

    This is a old wisdom. Almost cliché now.

    New model of wisdom is being lived by the richest people from the land which ‘deported greatest Indian master, who wanted to teach New model of life through his cars.’
    Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and other wealthiest people who have pledged much of their wealth back to the society are the new icons.

    A black becoming president of USA or a man in a woman´s body becoming president of USA or an Indian Chaiwallah now as PM walking on the world stage as if it’s a catwalk is not an event my heart swells in pride.

    When a man from the wealthiest families becomes Enlightened Master, that will be the day.

    • Lokesh says:

      ‘My heart swells in pride.’ is not almost cliché now, it is a cliché.

    • Parmartha says:

      Funny, Shantam, I always felt that Osho was a rich man’s guru!

      • shantam prem says:

        Osho was a rich man´s guru.
        To be rich man´s guru and a guru who is rich are two very different continents.
        To be in the position to inspire others to invest is totally different than to invest one´s own money.

        And when one looks at the history of Osho´s work, those who invested money got their pound of flesh. Jayesh became crown prince solely for the purpose of his wheeling and dealing skills.

  14. Kavita says:

    I am reminded of one incident; I have mentioned it before on SN but that was in another context.

    My mother confided in me (after a year of sannyas) that if she had come to Osho before I was born she wouldn’t have had any children. That has been most liberating for me.

    • frank says:

      I am pleased for you that you were lucky that your mum remained unspiritual just long enough!

      I am also intensely grateful for my mum`s lack of spiritual ambition and her need to escape her aloneness!

  15. Kavita says:

    Thank you, Frank.
    I told her then that in any case nothing can be done/undone about that now! I am a C-section baby; I guess it’s apparent in my lazy approach towards mostly all life activity! Sorry if Iam sounding pompous, that’s not my intention.

  16. Tan says:

    Guys, you are too complicated; to be pregnant must be like to be enlightened – a very simple phenomenon. I had plenty of babies, loved it, learned a lot and the children are the best masters we can find, much better sit with them than any kind of satsang with the old farts. That is my experience. Cheers!

    • Kavita says:

      Tan, you are lucky to have if you have enjoyed your pregnancy & later, your babies. My mother too enjoys being my mother & I enjoy being her child & at the same time now I do think it’s the greatest paradox of life to be parents/children of anyone.

      At 26, when I decided to have an experience of having a baby with Shashwat, my boyfriend, I also decided that if it was painful I would go for an abortion, even though he was against this idea. He agreed after I told him I wanted to experience being pregnant.

      But when it was unbearably painful I decided to terminate it & I thought before doing that I should do Mystic Rose for my sake & the baby’s sake, even though in those days I had to fill in a form saying I was not pregnant etc. I did go ahead, and after completing it I went ahead with the termination after 16 weeks, which was not advisable according to the doctor. b

      But I took full responsibility for it & I have not regretted it one bit, although for Shashwat it was very painful. Yes, I did tell him, I am sorry if I hurt him & thankful to him for letting me be.

      I guess one has to go through what one has to.

      • satyadeva says:

        Sounds a traumatic episode, Kavita. What a responsibility!

        What could be the benefit of you doing ‘The Mystic Rose’ to the unborn baby though? Wouldn’t all that upheaval be upsetting for the tiny little thing?

        Perhaps it ‘thought’, “My God, I don’t think I can put up with this, it’s not how it seemed in the brochure” – and was relieved when it all ended?

        There again, as you say, “I guess one has to go through what one has to.”

        • Kavita says:

          Yes, somehow, SD, you are right. I am not a responsible person, I am glad that Existence has been kind enough to support me in all my shortcomings to cope with it.

          “What could be the benefit of you doing ‘The Mystic Rose’ to the unborn baby though? Wouldn’t all that upheaval be upsetting for the tiny little thing?”
          At that time I thought it was the only gift I could give it.

          “Perhaps it ‘thought’, “My God, I don’t think I can put up with this, it’s not how it seemed in the brochure” – and was relieved when it all ended?”
          Ya, somewhere on those lines, for sure.

          • shantam prem says:

            Kavita, your abortion story was an unknown aspect for me till this moment.
            It must be in 1994?

            • Kavita says:

              Yes, dear, March 15th 1994, probably you weren’t around in Poona then. Yatri & Swati had come from Dharamshala to Poona on their annual holiday & Guru had just left for Hamburg two months before & he was in recovery/hospital then.

      • Tan says:

        Thanks for sharing and I have to say you are very brave, because to have an abortion is bad enough for ourselves but to remember it and telling about this experience is worse and you did it very gracefully, and I understand you got over it. My respect to you!

        • Kavita says:

          Thank you, Tan :)

          The only time I remember it is when someone talks or writes about child-bearing. Of course, it took me some time to decide whether I should/ should not share before I shared here.

          Yes, dear, I did get over it immediately after the procedure, in fact I went for White Robe the same evening, it was my most memorable one.

  17. Parmartha says:

    Osho certainly discouraged pregnancy in the seventies when he was dishing out personal advice in darshan, or answering questions by letter.

    The ashram policy at that time was a clear encouragement for both men and women who were actually “ashram workers” to have vasectomies.

    I know a number of people in my personal life who had such procedures. A few did regret them. And a further few had them reversed.

    I can’t make much sense of Unmani’s prose. Certainly, I know a number of women who liked ‘being’ pregnant, but found childbirth itself pretty distressing, and another subgroup who found they did not like being parents when those needful little people were suddenly upon them.

    My human reaction to Unmani, whom I sat with a couple of times, is that she is rather old for childbearing and one hopes that all will go well.

  18. shantam prem says:

    Unmani´s story can give a lesson or two to the Indian women in the Guru Business.

    It is not just about pregnancy but also sex. It won´t take your Avatara aura away if once in a while you utter “Oh” sound instead of “Om”.

    • satyadeva says:

      Definitely not advisable if the likes of you sought to be thus engaged, Shantam. I’m sure much purification would be required for you, sir, to get anywhere near anyone of that calibre.

      Therefore, to write almost ‘familiarly’ about such matters is really rather crass, is it not?

      • shantam prem says:

        Satyadeva, it is not advisable to judge someone solely from their writing.

        I don´t boast, in reality I am not the same as in writing. As it is commonly said, ‘Meat cutters are usually very Shanti Shanti people.’

        • satyadeva says:

          “Satyadeva, it is not advisable to judge someone solely from their writing. I don´t boast, in reality I am not the same as in writing.”

          Ever wondered why that might be, Shantam?

          Also, I thought you were the arch-proponent of ‘transparency’, passionate about the prime importance of contributors here being ‘real’, eg by providing a photo.

          One might well ask, what’s the point of a photo when the writer is wearing a metaphorical mask anyway?

          Carry on digging, Shantam (whoever you might be)….

  19. prem martyn says:

    Why is it when we experience orgasm we exclaim, “Oh God, yes”, whatever religion we are… or are not?

    Here is a documentary that explores how being alone caused many to think about sex and how sex caused many to want to be alone.


  20. prem martyn says:

    Is not the advaita pregnancy-questioner in the extract actually a metaphor for the ‘Immaculate Conceptioner’?

    (Contributions in the collecting plate on the way out, ta).

  21. Kavita says:

    Hope Unmani does have an easy delivery. Best Wishes to her.

  22. madhu dagmat frantzen says:

    Hi Tan´ia,

    Riding that wave here, I am glad after all, that your sprinkle appeared; reminded me finally returning to a humorous view on contributions and contributors…and the movie comedy:
    ‘As Good as It Gets’ (scriptwriting and more) with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt.

    Love the April rain just now and here, and knowing that also this will pass…
    I mean the writing and all….


    With my very best wishes to Unmani, and with the tears of a Clown (female).

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