The transcript of another Epic Rap Battle of History has come to light and reaches the shores of wisdom first on SannyasNews.
GEORGIE G versus RAMAN `THE MAINMAN` MAHARSHI
Yo! My name is Georgie G and I`m a rascal saint
I`m here to destroy your expectations, so celibate and sober I aint
I`m the most badass gangsta that ever got awakened
Homies who run with my possee get their egos crushed and shaken.
You might like to sit in your temple hypnotising sheep
But I tell you buddy, I`m out there waging war on sleep.
I`ve been in a few scuffles and taken a few bullets for the cause
So, time to wake up,`cos this lion roars.
The energy of my rhymes is gonna kill you like a yak
I`ll give you a conscious shock from which you won`t come back.
When I was born ,I hit the jackpot
My dad and granddad, they were top, they knew a lot
They both did the Gilgamesh rap-they was red hot,
That`s why my rhymes rock, they always hit the G-spot.
I`m gonna find your chief feature and then I`m gonna bust it
All you gotta do is surrender to me, kiss my ass and trust it.
When I catch my flow, it comes out sharp as Stormzy`s
My rhymes will mash your ego just like they mashed Ouspensky`s.
Hey Raman, what`s with the oversized banana hammock hanging off your ass?
You mumbling `who am I? ` Whassup? Been smokin too much Kerala grass?
And when`s the last time you actually had a job
Apart from getting free food by passing yourself off as God?
I don’t renounce the world or sit in a cave and shirk
I put on a clean shirt and I go out and do The Work
Sitting on your ass and talking to monkeys and goats,
Don`t you think it`s time you invested in some trousers and a coat?
RAMAN THE MAINMAN
Who is it that is asking? that`s what I want to know
Who`s behind the drinking, the smoking and the show?
Listen up: my name is Raman,I know exactly who I am,
I`m the most egoless atman in all of Hindustan.
When it comes to meditation,I`m the main man
If you think you`re gonna win this duel,you gonna get schooled
There`s only gonna be one winner here cos I`m totally non-dual.
You`re a honky from the Westside,I`m a mystic from the Eastside
Your brains are totally fried, I`m the guru here ,I`m the guide
You`ve gone down in history as a charlatan,but me-I`ve been deified
So fasten your seatbelt dude,I`m gonna take you for a ride.
I rap to peacocks and snakes, and all the monkeys listen
You rap like you`re Rambo going off on some manic mission.
You went to school with Stalin and I tell you bro, it shows.
So listen up psycho-killer, cos this is how it flows:
You`ve got an over-sized cranium that’s housing a tyrant.
But I don`t worry about your ego cos I`ll kill it with my silence.
Why not try your Stop! exercise when you write your next book?
Ease off the zernofookalniranian gobbledegook
You think that it`s `conscious` when you`re steamin` and getting laid?
When it comes to walking the path, bro, you`ve seriously strayed.
Cos `conscious` is me in my Tamil speedos basking in the shade,
You`re swigging too much Calvados and getting way too grandiose
You gonna overdose if you don`t bid the bottle adios.
Sitting round stuffing your face and toasting your 33 idiots and losers
Your mystery school`s a crammer for mountebanks and boozers.
None of them could ever make it as a fakir, a yogi or a monk
Your fourth way`s just an excuse for pretending to be drunk.
Tryin to be guru? What? You some kind of wigger?
Check this out,dude: Who am I ? Go figure.
What`s the dope with this weird trip you call Advaita?
Is it some kind of challenge to see who`s wearing the biggest diapers?
Me,I`m looking for 200 enlightened guys who can handle their drink
To bring this crazy planet back from the brink.
We need the right combination of God and the Devil
To get humanity back up onto the Seventh level.
But, being completely out of your mind and slumped on your behind:
I gotta say that ain`t no way to change the future of mankind.
And seriously dude, I don`t wanna sound rude
But your bod looks pretty weedy like you need to eat some food.
You should try out my movements: they`re harmonious for body and soul
But the only movements I can see you doing are squatting over a hole,
Wandering round the mountain and looking like a bum
You need to cut loose, get out and have some fun.
Man is really nothing but an unconscious mechanical machine
I fuel mine with plenty of booze, fags and caffeine.
Maybe you need to cut down on the pujas and all that vibhuti
Munch some kebab dosas and find yourself some booty.
Come over to Paris and I`ll show you a real good time
I`ve got a possee of hot western bitches and a cellar full of wine.
RAMAN THE MAINMAN
If you`re so keen to make improvements to the human race
You could start by shaving that bush off of your face.
It might impress some of your Westside idiots, disciples and sheeple,
But you look like a cross between Dr Evil and one of the Village People
If I want to do some intentional suffering, I`ll read Beelzebub`s tales
It`s the literary equivalent of lying on a bed of nails,
Even Osho said you could get all the good bits on the back of an airmail
It`s an classic epic for sure, a classic epic fail.
I know how to run an ashram, I don`t allow meat, fags and booze
Mine`s a sattvic holy scene run by proper pukka Hindus
The effect of trad religion is so nice and calming
I even got special seats for the high-class Brahmins.
I`m not surprised you went bust when you started your ashram
You should have stuck to your dodgy scams back in Kazakhstan.
Wasting all that energy running after those dollar bills
God gives me everything I need – I`ve even got my own hill.
Running on a treadmill looking for the next thrill
You seem to be suffering from the illusion of free will
Look: There`s no doer to do, so why not just chill?
Your chief disciple, Ouspensky, he didn`t want to linger,
He didn`t like the way you flashed your mojo, so he gave you the finger.
You wound up looking like a Sufi who had totally over-whirled
You need to come down to Tiru and check the view from the real world.
Listen up bro`, cos I`m the godfather of Advaita
“Who am I?” is my catchphrase and it couldn`t be any tighter
My legacy`s gone global and things couldn`t be brighter
Step down, Mr G, you`ve gone and sung your tune
You`re well past your sell-by date, you`re food for the moon.
It`s true that writing Beelzebub made me feel pretty down
But at least I didn`t waste all my life in the same one-horse town
I`ve met more remarkable men than you`ve had hot dinners
So, don`t diss my work, you fakir, cos I`m a total winner.
I was wandering round the mystic East and grooving with Yazidis
While your disciples were sitting in the slums and smoking Ganesh bidis.
You went and started an epidemic of western satsang junkies
Chasing the banana of enlightenment like a bunch of frigging monkeys.
My way is for true seekers who want to learn the law of seven
Not join your wacko fan club with the likes of Mooji and Cohen.
Don’t mess with my essence if you know what`s good
I`m still the main man of the Sarmoung `hood.
This whole scene could just get a whole lot rougher
When I start to lay in to your blocked kundabuffer.
So don`t gimme no more holy bull, mister Hindu caveman
I don`t need to hear no more ashram atman batman flimflam
I`ve got your number in my enneagram,
And I`m owning you in this rap slam
Your catchphrase may have caught on from Japan to San Fran,
But I tell you,mine`s the realest, man.
Why? Cos life is only real when I AM.