Epic Rap Battles of History: OSHO vs KRISHNAMURTI

Some video episodes from Youtube of “Epic rap battles of history” which involve historical personages in imaginary rap battles have been posted on SN recently which set me wondering what one involving Osho and Krishnamurti might be like.  (FRANK)

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

OSHO vs KRISHNAMURTI

OSHO.
My people call me Osho cos I`m master of my flow
I don`t have an ego so surrender to my mojo.
You read cheap detective novels and call yourself a world teacher
But I`m the Master of Masters and I groove to Freddie Nietzsche.
I`m like an orchestra compared to your solo flute
And when it comes to awakening- I devised the fastest route.
Your tin whistle`s ineffectual and your followers too intellectual
Your diction is impeccable but you need to get more psychosexual.
It`s like you`re riding on your head in a three-wheeled bullock cart
And I`m flying on a jumbo jet going straight to the heart.
I was the main man of a posse who was all dressed in red
You just had a bunch of straights who got stuck in their head.
While all your dudes were thinking about choiceless choice
I was living it large and cruising in my Rolls Royce.
When I went on a drive-by, I taught my disciples some respect
Those brothers didn`t diss me, they were perfectly correct.
My bitches were so juicy, they were the best class of floozies
And the guys didn`t take no shit cos they were packing Uzis.
Your whole life was a reaction from being owned by Annie Besant
No one pushes me around bro`, cos I`m a hierophant.
You Krishnamurtis became enlightened cos the theosophists said you should
I became enlightened cos I`m Bhagdaddy of the buddha `hood.

KRISHNAMURTI
Sir, I`m J. Krishnamurti, not that UG clone
I`m the only one that can give you freedom from the known.
Yes it`s true I wear a suit and my lectures are bone dry
But my rhymes are commentaries on living and I think they`re pretty fly.
Well,Mr Osho, I have heard all about your show
But your religionless religion sounds more like sex and drugs to go.
You thought it was something new hanging out and getting flirty
But `ve I been doin the rounds since way before 1930.
I spent my time with scientists, scholars and A-listers
But you were hanging with no-hopers and failed therapistas.

OSHO
You might have had it going on in back in the 40s and 50s
But I`m a rascal saint so I needed a gang of grifters
Your philosophy sounded deader than an ex-dodo
I needed a scene that had some extra mojo
You said you weren`t a guru and there`s nothing one can do
but I got `em goin with some loved-up voodoo.
Your disciples had less vision than Mr Magoo
Mine were in the flow like a hollow bamboo
Singing,dancing and shouting with a big “Yahoo!”
You were busy dissing sex and sayin it wasn`t cool
All the time you were bangin Mrs Rajgopal and taking her hubby for a fool
Me,I was on prime time TV talkin` `bout my endless lovers
While you were keepin your sexytime strictly undercover.
I cut loose from all that shit and proclaimed the new man
You act so uptight like you need an extra dose of bran

KRISHNAMURTI
Yes sir, you had those hippy dudes with their goofy smiles
And those sexed-up braless chicks dancing in the aisles.
But do you think I would give respect to the leader of a sect
Whose enlightenment got wrecked cos he didn`t give a feck?
You boasted about your satoris but your sartorials needed more meditation
Your outfits looked like something from the Star Trek Federation.
I got my shirts from Savile Row because I liked to show a bit of class
But your 80s shoulder pads looked like something out of “Dallas”.
I spoke like a gentleman and watched my Ps and Qs,
You told dirty jokes and cleared your throat with “Fuck you”s
When you led your chosen people out into the desert
That`s when I knew “This guy`s really lost it”.
Moses got his tablets straight from his god
But you got them on prescription from your own doc.
And your secretary -you thought you could control her
but she turned out to be a bharati bunny boiler

You tried to be the boss but even you couldn`t foil her
and your religionless religion ended in the hands of lawyers.
I retained my noblesse, remained egoless and unfazed by success, lived at the right address and stayed in the West
But you digressed and left a huge mess, puffin on the gas and talking about sex and following the sacred “yes” down the road of excess
And I must confess,when you started wearing the tea-pot head-dress I clearly got the message: nothing fails like success.

OSHO

You said I lost my enlightenment but you didn`t have a clue
I was glad I could stop pretending unlike poor old you
I don`t expect you to understand that it was all a device
Just like when I sent my posse to your gigs to knock you from your heights
You lost your cool composure like a red rag to a bull
While I just sat back and laughed till I`d had a bellyful.
You said that truth is a pathless land but you just talked and talked it
I started my own religion and then went out and walked it.
You railed against the evil of organisations and religions
But I got my dudes to go right out and live `em.
So, listen up to my rhythm and get the wisdom of my mission:
You`ve got to get into it to get out of it, if you follow my vision.
And that`s why I busted their egos with a taste of fascism.
Now they`re completely free of all that mental prison
And just floating thru the empty sky without the help of -isms.
So now, Mr K, just get out of my watercourse way
Your rhymes are giving me a headache and I`ve had enough for today.

Who won?                              You decide!

This entry was posted in Discussion. Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to Epic Rap Battles of History: OSHO vs KRISHNAMURTI

  1. Kavita says:

    “I spoke like a gentleman and watched my Ps and Qs,
    You told dirty jokes and cleared your throat with “Fuck you”s.
    “Your rhymes are giving me a headache and I`ve had enough for today.”

    Frankie boy, you are an epitome of hilariousness!

  2. shantam prem says:

    Faceless Frank is keeping the flame of British literature alive. Wonderful.

  3. Tan says:

    Frank boy, I knew it!! Master piece, what it is!
    Hope, this is only the beginning…
    Cheers! XXX

  4. Tan says:

    My fave part:
    “You Krishnamurtis became enlightened cos the theosophists said you should.
    I became enlightened cos I am Bhagdaddy of the Buddhahood.”
    A jewel!

    • madhu dagmar frantzen says:

      Masterly pulling out the JOKER , Frank !

      No need to even guess about win and lose, but sheer enjoyment.
      Hard to say which of your lines I´d love best, as the joker-rap as a whole is such a fabulous read and more than a read.

      Thanks – for one of the more ´everlasting´ joker-rap contributions, which one can pull out (again) then, whenever a laughter and lightness is needed and needs support.

      Madhu

  5. swamishanti says:

    Well I guess it`s time to get a couple of people to dress up as Osho and Krishnamurti, put some beats behind it and produce a video of the rap battle.

    Perhaps Oshodhara over in India could help out with an Osho costume. I hear they know where to produce good quality Osho-style hats.

  6. Arpana says:

    How long did you take to write these, Frank?
    Were they dashed off, or crafted, or both?
    A treat. ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ

    MOD:
    TRANSLATION OF THE END BIT, PLEASE, Arps!

  7. shantam prem says:

    Like a sip of coffee, I am enjoying few lines in one go. It is really an epic poem.

    Faceless Frank has even the right to claim in a true esoteric tradition, “I was just a bamboo, Existence was pouring through me.”

  8. Lokesh says:

    Most enjoyable, Frank. Right on the money, pretty hip and funny.

    I think this rap battle shows promise. There is a cool new age rap doing the rounds. I will try and find the link. It is good holy shit fun. Anyway, your raps are schmool, that’s way better than cool. My fave lines, “You boasted about your satoris but your sartorials needed more meditation
    Your outfits looked like something from the Star Trek Federation.” Great!

    Oshoworld could do with your rap. That site is drier than a dead dog’s bone.

    All the party people in the house say enough for today. Yo!

  9. frank says:

    Thanks, y`all.
    Glad you enjoyed it.

  10. shantam prem says:

    When teachings look good in books, reality produces comedy, parody, sarcasm….

  11. Arpana says:

    “It happened once that a man came to a Zen master. He had read all the scriptures, memorized them, and had become a great philosopher because he was very efficient at using words, logic. And this Zen master was just a villager, just like the beggar who said, “I am not lost.”

    He had never read the Lotus Sutra, one of the greatest Buddhist scriptures, worth preserving, always keeping near. Just as there are bedside books, so the Lotus Sutra is a heartside book; it is concerned with the heart. The lotus is the symbol for the heart: fully bloomed, in full bloom, it is the heart. And Buddhists think there is nothing comparable to the Lotus Sutra.

    This man had memorized the whole Lotus Sutra. He could repeat it from anywhere. Ask any question and immediately he would answer — like a computer, very efficiently. So he asked the Zen master, “Have you read the Lotus Sutra?”
    The Zen master said, “Lotus Sutra? Never heard of it.”
    The man, the pundit, the scholar, said, “Never heard of it? And people think you are enlightened!”
    The Zen master said, “People must be wrong. I am an ignorant man, how can I be enlightened?”
    The scholar was at ease now, so he said, “Now I will repeat the Lotus Sutra. Can you read?”
    The monk said, “I can’t read.”
    So the man said, “Okay, then listen to me and I will explain anything you want to ask.”

    He had come to seek a master but now he had become a master. The ego never wants to be a disciple, it is always in search of being a master. How the buddha must have laughed at the situation! The master became the disciple, and the disciple became the master and said, “Listen.”
    The master started listening. The disciple said, “Okay.” He began to repeat the Lotus Sutra.
    In the Lotus Sutra, it is said everything is emptiness — this world is empty, hell is empty, heaven is empty, God is empty, everything is emptiness. Emptiness is the nature of all things, nothingness, so be attuned to nothingness and you will achieve.

    Suddenly the master jumped and hit the pundit on the head. The pundit became mad. He started shouting and said, “Not only are you not enlightened, not only are you ignorant, you seem to be neurotic also. What are you doing?”
    The master sat again and said, “If everything is nothingness, from where does this anger come? The world is emptiness, heaven is emptiness, hell is emptiness, the nature of things is nothingness. From where does this anger come?”

    The pundit was puzzled. He said, “It is not written in the Lotus Sutra. You ask foolish questions. It is not written in the Lotus Sutra. The whole Sutra I have memorized — and this is no way of asking a question, hitting me is no way of asking a question.” ”

    Osho.

    A Bird on the Wing
    Chapter 8
    Chapter title: Zen Without Writing
    17 June 1974 am in Buddha Hall

  12. Parmartha says:

    Thanks for this, Frank.

    More work goes into such a creation than most realise.

    For once I agree with Shantam, much more entertaining than anything on Osho News, and much more of an invitation to thinking for oneself!

    Keep it going from time to time, Frank – maybe Osho and the big nappy man, Ramana, might be a good one!

    Parmartha

    • frank says:

      Thanks, big P.
      Yes, Ramana has got potential.
      Georgie G is a nailed-on rapper too.
      Georgie G vs Ramana could be a good one…

      “You some kinda Hindu throwback sittin’ in the outback wearin’ a gunny sack while I`m in my Cadillac drinkin’ on my cognac an’ rollin’ in the greenbacks
      Cos I`m a megalomaniac, I’ve got less hair than Kojak and my rhymes`ll kill you like a yak till you won`t make no comeback.
      So don`t gimme no ashram flimflam cos this is a rap slam
      An’ remember this, Mr Raman – life`s only real when I am.”
      Etc.

      • madhu dagmar frantzen says:

        Hi, big F,

        You say: “Georgie G is a nailed-on rapper too.
        Georgie G vs Ramana could be a good one…”

        There is a limit for a ´punk-approach´, which doesn´t come up naturally (like your last one) but is ordered…

        To imagine George G’ as a nailed-on rapper lies more in the eyes of the observer, I presume, than in the essence of reality.

        And (just) one of the many remarkable legacies of a Gurdijeff was the ‘STOP!’ exercise, I know by experiencing.

        Why not apply such sometimes on a website too, according to tracking an ongoing part of an issue?
        Just a question.
        Or a reminder.

        Madhu

        • swamishanti says:

          Yo, Big F, you just got dissed from that Miss!
          Called you a punk, couldn’t get a feel for your rhyme
          Said you should’a put ya mind into a more kinda serious chime –
          With Krishnamurti and Osho she was dancin’ around the room

          Gyrating her hips and singing
          Boom boom

          But with Ramana vs. Gurdijeff
          She just didn’t catch the tune.

    • madhu dagmar frantzen says:

      Dear Parmartha,

      the very credit of this SN UK website is in my view, that a lot of
      ´Shadow-Work´ has been triggered by some of the big contributions , be it from the Founder of this website, be it from choosing testimonials which shed some light on some really dark spots in the ´Sannyas-History (parts, which are often denied) .

      True, Osho News is more an advertising website, where different offers, to join the one or the other way – further so called human potential seminars workshops or counselings are on board.
      And therewithin also indicates , where some seeds of the Mystery School may have blosomed and their invitations , to join the ´dance here or there.

      True, no comments there are possible. One has to join there, to connect; that´s it.
      Or find other ways, to connect, more private than an open chat can deliver that.

      It´s quite a challenge for me , to write here on SN UK chat caravanserai.
      Confronted with the fact , not to know anyone in particular, not to really know , who is reading, etc.

      And knowing and coming to know and experience much about the
      ´Brave New Digital world´ and it´s after-effects as such.

      Sometimes I am like a homesick bird, I wrote once… sometimes not…

      and I am speaking of commune-i-cation here.

      Madhu

  13. Bong says:

    My fave part:
    “You Krishnamurtis became enlightened cos the theosophists said you should.
    I became enlightened cos I am Bhagdaddy of the Buddhahood.”

    “It`s like you`re riding on your head in a three-wheeled bullock cart
    And I`m flying on a jumbo jet going straight to the heart.”

    “When I went on a drive-by, I taught my disciples some respect
    Those disciples didn`t diss me, they were perfectly correct.
    My bitches were so juicy, they were the best class of floozies
    And the guys didn`t take no shit cos they were packing Uzis.”

    Tan Bong Fuk U….

  14. Tan says:

    Thanks, Bong!
    First time I hear about Wing Chun! Quite interesting! Cheers!