Being the Master of My Life
After all these years, I have learned to be the master of my life, of who I am. Never do I want to be the master of someone else. You see, I have discovered the art of how to love and to be loved in return. This makes me complete. (From the CD Compassion: The Way of the Master by Veeresh)
The first time I met Osho, in 1974, I expected Him, as a Master, to have superhuman powers. In fact He was totally human, warm, enjoying everybody. I fell in love with Him – His way of laughing, His way of moving, the answers He was giving. As I was leaving He gave me a white robe and said, “Dye it deep red; that will be good for your meditation.” That was His first gift to me.
One Guru Purnima Day in Pune, as Osho was sitting at the front gate He said to me, “Veeresh, come sit next to me.” I was shocked. I wasn’t open to the invitation and said, “No, thank you.”
Another time, I had a toothache and went to the best dentist available in Pune, who was also Osho’s dentist. He hit a nerve, and I jumped because it hurt. He did an Indian head-shake and said, “It hurts Osho too!” That made me realize He’s not somebody who’s above pain.
As one of Osho’s guards died of a brain hemorrhage, He said that if He had known of his weakness He would not have put him in such a stressful situation. Then I got it again: He’s just like all of us; He needs information. The more Osho revealed His humanness, His fallibility, the more I started to appreciate Him as a person.
Over the years He was constantly offering me his friendship, and I would feel that it was too much, that I wasn’t worthy; I needed to prove something first. Then I would be given the right to sit next to Him, or be in the front row, or I would be able to receive His gifts.
Once in Rajneeshpuram I got called into Sheela’s office. She said, “Osho has declared you a Sambuddha. That means you’re enlightened.” All this recognition… He was just saying over and over, “I love you.” That was so difficult for me to accept.
Slowly, with His overwhelming love, I started to appreciate Him and what He was giving me. He looked to me like a superhuman being, but He was the most beautiful man that I ever met, and He demonstrated constantly that He loved me.
One day I wrote a letter saying that I wanted to interview Him because the Humaniversity had a newspaper. That was just an excuse to be close to Him. He sent back a message that He wasn’t talking any more because He had had all His teeth removed, but I could have a photo session. During the session I was so happy; I was overwhelmed. When they were changing the cameras, He asked about my health. I looked incredulously at Him and said, “My health? I’m doing very well. How are you?” I had heard He was not well, and He looked pale.
I was standing next to Him, and He reached out with His left hand. I held it and thought to myself. “Here’s my opportunity.” I took the risk and started to kiss His hand over and over. My tears were all over it, so I grabbed a sleeve of my robe and tried to clean them off. He started to laugh, and I laughed, and He laughed and…wow! I had an experience of what they call shaktipat: He overwhelmed me with His love and His laughter. I got completely lost. I had never felt so much bliss, looking into His eyes.
I realized I was squeezing His hand, and yet He just kept looking at me with so much love. That was such a treasure, such a gift in my life to be so close to Him and tell Him I love Him. He was my Master – He’ll always be my Master – and at that moment He also became my friend. I wanted to say, “If you’re not all right, stay with me. You don’t have to go out there and play Superman for everybody.” I wanted to take care of Him too, to thank Him for taking care of me.
I have come to love and appreciate Osho more and more. I once told Him, “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.” I didn’t mean a carbon copy of Him; I was talking about His unconditional love, His care, His awareness, His constant efforts to free up all of us, insisting that we find our own way. He begs us to be aware, telling us that we have to see who we really are. He asks us to use Him up to a point, but then to do our own trip. The whole process is an incredible journey.
I feel nobody has ever cared so much for me, in that special way that He has. He has always wanted the best for me. As a result, today I am the best in my heart. Despite all my doubts, all my fears, all those things that happened, I’m home, I’m free. You can call it being the master of my life… I do my thing.
He once told me, ”If anything or anybody gets in the way of what you in your heart believe, don’t compromise. Be willing to die for your position.” So I’m ready to give everything, but if I feel in my heart that it’s wrong for me, I won’t do it! That’s another way of looking at freedom.
I once asked myself, “What do I want to be written on my gravestone?” The only thing I could come up with was: Veeresh: A Man of Osho. He loved and was loved by many. I thought that would be really cool. It’s true also. I think He’d say, “Very good, Veeresh.”
Now that Osho is not in the body anymore I feel a greater sense of responsibility. I’ve been listening to Him talk for years, and now I feel I have to carry out what He was talking about. That’s what He expected of all His sannyasins. I feel a deep necessity to really give in my work; there’s no time to waste.
I want everybody I work with, also the Tan-Jus, the teenagers here (at the Humaniversity), to change, to grow up and be beautiful. I give them what I think, what I feel, who I am. As a teacher I have a great responsibility to share my heart with them, so they can find their own Master inside one day.
I remember a beautiful story Osho told: When Buddha died he went to heaven, and he stopped at the front gate. All the angels were ready to welcome him, to jubilate and celebrate that he was coming in, and God was waiting… And he said, “I can’t go in now. I have to first wait until everyone else has passed through these gates.” All the angels cried because they were overwhelmed with his compassion. I see Osho like that: He wants all His people to go through. I also want the same thing.
Osho has this vision that 200 years from now, everyone will be able to appreciate what He’s been doing. When people walk in the main gate of the Resort, immediately they will move into the vertical plane, and the energy of the place will enlighten everybody. I see the same thing happening at the Humaniversity. I see us as the support team for the Resort, and that in two hundred years time we’ll still be supporting them, still be doing Osho’s work, making sure everyone goes through that gate: “Come on, you can do it: Hurry up!”
Osho said He wanted the Humaniversity to be officially affiliated with the Resort – not for us to feel restricted, but that He wanted us to be connected. I thought to myself, “If I were in His position and had to choose someone to support the work in Pune, of course it would be me!” I’ll do all I can to promote His work and accomplish what He wanted.
Osho Humaniversity is a School for Masters.. In the beginning we have to do a lot of therapy, change the negative behavior first. But finally, we are a meditation school: Who are you? When you look deep inside, you will find that you are a lovable human being. “Your behavior might be strange; your judgments and mental mind-fucks get in the way; your relationships can be improved; your sexuality is a little bit dysfunctional; you wish you could have had other parents…” But your foundation as a human being is: you are perfect just the way you are. Everyone is a master. It is just that a lot of doubts and conditioning gets in the way.
Our job here is to free people up to be themselves. I want everyone to develop their total human ability – everyone is unique. That’s the basis of being a Master. Once your awareness has grown enough, then give and share your love!” The world needs that!.
This article first appeared in Viha Connection magazine