SN has lacked sufficient female perspectives for far too long but here’s one woman’s remarkable story (and her views on SN) from Ma Deva Uma, who lives in London.
The first Osho book I read was titled ‘Tantra, The Supreme Understanding.’ That book changed my life forever. It was 1996, and a week after finishing reading the book I handed in my resignation at the London corporate law firm where I had been working for four years. I wanted to be free.
In November of that year it was my twenty-seventh birthday. I decided to treat myself by buying a ticket to Poona. I’d never been to India before and was completely unprepared for what awaited me upon my arrival and subsequent three-day stopover in Mumbai. The city’s air was so polluted that I could hardly breathe and I could not find anything to eat that would not shoot through my digestive system in less than an hour. It was therefore that I spent my first week in Poona in a comfortable hotel room, recovering in bed.
I visited The Resort for the first time on the eleventh of December, Osho’s birthday. I felt like I had arrived in heaven. What a beautiful place, so full of energy. I bought several maroon robes and enrolled in a couple of meditation groups. I was initiated into sannyas and given the wonderful name Ma Deva Uma.
My favourite chill-out spot was by the swimming pool. It did not take long before a handsome swami with light blue eyes set his sights on me. My big nose stops my face from being beautiful, but I do have a very good figure, which must have looked great in a red bikini. His name was Ram and he took me out to dinner one evening and then asked me back to his place. I said, “yes.”
I am an only child who grew up with over-protective parents. My father, now deceased, was a Catholic priest and my mother is a well-respected obstetrician who works in a private practice in London’s Harley Street. The pair of them brainwashed me into believing sex out of marriage was a sin and that it was very dangerous because of STDs. That is why I was still a virgin at the tender age of twenty-seven.
Ram was in his forties and came from Amsterdam in Holland. He was a big man with a huge penis and when I saw it fully erect I was terrified. I told Ram I was a virgin and he smiled and said, “We were all virgins once.” He took me in his arms and soon we were making love. Ram was very good at it and very sensitive. He was gentle with me. I did not want our love-making to end. He left for The Netherlands a week later. I did not mind because I was becoming curious about what it would be like to have sex with different men.
Meanwhile, I had found my power spot. Osho’s Samadhi. To this day I still carry in my heart the profoundly peaceful vibration of that sacred place. During difficult periods in my life I just need to recall how I felt sitting there with my eyes closed and my load loses its gravity. Although I never met Osho in the body he is always with me.
To cut a long and sordid story short, during the next three years, I had sex with at least two hundred men and half a dozen women. My motto was, ‘A few orgasms a day, keeps the doctor away.’ It didn’t. I contracted a nasty strain of gonorrhoea that required a massive amount of antibiotics to cure. That horrid experience brought me to my senses and I stopped having unprotected sex. I found myself with a new problem. I found it impossible to bond on an emotional level. I kept reading Osho books and that helped me come to terms with my situation. I came to understand the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
I was undergoing a bit of an identity crisis when I talked to a well-travelled girlfriend in London, who told me about a special place she had lived in for two years. I decided to make a drastic quantum leap. I caught a three-hour flight, shaved my long blonde hair off, entered a Buddhist nunnery, took my vows and began living in a hermitage. I stayed there for five years. To live a life of renunciation, celibacy and constant letting go was tremendously challenging. To give an idea of how cut off from the world I was, I did not hear about 9/11 until three years after it happened.
In 2008, I met my husband for the first time, while attending a talk by a famous Advaita teacher in Hampstead. Today, I live in an apartment in north London with my husband and three children. I have a bookcase in the living room which is home to over 300 Osho books. I have read them all and my favourite is still the first one I read, ‘Tantra, The Supreme Understanding’.
By now, you might well be wondering why I am sharing all this. Let me explain. Over the past few years, I have been a constant visitor to Sannyas News. It became a kind of guilty pleasure for me, to read all the crazy and interesting things sannyasins write on this site. During the past two years, most of my favourite writers have left, but I still read the articles and comments, although there is not as much wicked humour as there once was. I have to say that there is rarely anything written by a woman. This signals that something has gone wrong because Osho was very much in favour of the feminine. The master always had women running the show while he was still in the body. Now it is rare for even dear Kavita to put in an appearance here on Sannyas News, which is a great pity because she has such a charming Induan way of putting things in her down-to-earth, feminine way.
What is my message? I think the male members of Sannyas News need to move over and make space for some female commentators. That way Osho’s work will be furthered by giving a more balanced impression that includes the feminine. I leave you with one of my favourite Osho quotes:
“Consciousness needs freedom. Be loose; remember this word as deeply as possible. Let it penetrate you. Be loose, so in every situation, you can flow easily, water-like, as when water is poured into a glass, it takes the shape of the glass. It doesn’t resist, it doesn’t say, “This is not my form.” If the water is poured into a jar, into a jug, it takes the shape of that. It has no resistance; it is loose. Remain loose like water.”