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sam lucas posted an update in the group Caravanserai 8 years, 11 months ago
Dear Friends, I would like to add this advice on `Dating` for younger sannyasins , to perhaps help to give some clearer guidance on the topic in this time and explore what the Bible teaches us about `dating`.
Am I Ready to Date?
What is dating?
What is the purpose of dating?
Am I old enough to date?
Why wait to date?
What is dating?
You regularly go out with a certain member of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You and a member of the opposite sex are attracted to each other. Several times a day, you send text messages or talk to this person on the phone. Are you dating?
Every time you get together with your friends, you pair off with the same person of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You most likely had no problem answering the first question. But you may have paused before responding to the second and the third. What exactly is dating?Really, dating is any social activity in which your romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person’s interest is focused on you.
So the answer to all three questions is yes. Whether on the phone or face-to-face, in the open or in secret, if you and a friend of the opposite sex have a special romantic understanding and communicate regularly, it’s dating.
What is the purpose of dating?
Dating should have an honorable purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other.Granted, some of your peers might take a casual view of dating. Perhaps they simply enjoy being with a special friend of the opposite sex, without any intention of marriage. Some might even view such a friend as little more than a trophy or an accessory to be seen with in public to boost their own self-esteem.
Often, though, such shallow relationships are short-lived. “Many young ones who date break up with each other a week or two later,” says a girl named Heather. “They come to view relationships as transitory—which in a sense prepares them for divorce rather than for marriage.”
Clearly, when you date someone, you’re affecting that person’s feelings. So be sure your intentions are honorable.—Luke 6:31.
If you date with no intention of marriage, you are acting like a child who plays with a new toy and then discards it
Think: Would you like someone to play with your feelings as if they were some child’s toy—to be picked up for a moment and then quickly abandoned? Then don’t do that to someone else! The Bible says that love “does not behave indecently.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.
A youth named Chelsea says: “Part of me wants to say that dating should be just for fun, but it’s no fun when one person is taking it seriously and the other isn’t.”
Tip: To prepare for dating and marriage, read 2 Peter 1:5-7 and pick one quality you need to work on. In a month’s time, see how much you have learned about—and improved in—that quality.
Am I old enough to date?
At what age, do you think, is it appropriate for a youth to start dating?
Now ask one of your parents the same question.
Chances are, your answer is different from that of your parent. Or maybe not! You might be among the many youths who are wisely putting off dating until they’re old enough to know themselves better.That’s what Danielle, 17, decided to do. She says: “Thinking back two years ago, what I would have looked for in a potential mate was so different from what I would look for now. Basically, even at this point I don’t trust myself to make such a decision. When I feel that my personality has been stable for a couple of years, then I’ll think about dating.”
There’s another reason why waiting is wise. The Bible uses the phrase “the bloom of youth” to describe the period of life when sexual feelings and romantic emotions first become strong. (1 Corinthians 7:36) To maintain close association with one particular member of the opposite sex while you’re still in this phase can fan the flames of desire and lead to wrong conduct.
True, that might mean little to your peers. Many of them may be all too eager to experiment with sex. But you can—you must—rise above that kind of thinking! (Romans 12:2) After all, the Bible urges you to “flee from sexual immorality.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, New International Version) By waiting until you’re past the bloom of youth, you can “ward off calamity.”—Ecclesiastes 11:10.
Why wait to date?
Being pressured to date before you’re ready would be like being forced to take a final exam for a course that you’ve barely started. Obviously, that wouldn’t be fair! You need time to study your subject so that you can become familiar with the kind of problems you’ll face in the test.It’s similar with dating.
Dating is no trivial matter. So before you’re ready to focus on one particular person, you need to take time to study a very important “subject”—how to build friendships.
Later, when you meet the right person, you’ll be in a better position to build a solid relationship. After all, a good marriage is the union of two good friends.
Waiting to date won’t stifle your freedom. On the contrary, it will give you more freedom to ‘rejoice in your youth.’ (Ecclesiastes 11:9) You will also have time to prepare yourself by developing your personality and, most important, your spirituality.—Lamentations 3:27.
In the meantime, you can enjoy the company of the opposite sex. What’s the best way to do so? Spend time together in properly supervised mixed groups. A girl named Tammy says: “I think it’s more fun that way. It’s better to have a lot of friends.” Monica agrees. “The group idea is a really good idea,” she says, “because you get to associate with people who have different personalities.”
In contrast, if you focus on one person too soon, you set yourself up for heartache. So take your time. Use this period of your life to learn how to cultivate and maintain friendships. Later, if you choose to date, you’ll have a better idea of who you are and what you need in a lifelong partner.
Sam, What about when dating goes wrong?
as in
Deut. 23:1
”No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the Assembly of God”.
Frank,
Deuteronomy 23.1 has some common sense rules for men of the congregation to follow:
“No man who has been castrated by having his testicles crushed or who has had his male organ cut off may come into the congregation of Jehovah.
9 “When you are encamped against your enemies, you should avoid anything bad.*+ 10 If a man becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission,+ he should go outside the camp and not reenter the camp. 11 When evening falls, he should wash with water, and then he may return to the camp at sunset.+ 12 A private place* should be designated for use outside the camp, and there is where you should go. 13 A peg should be part of your equipment. When you squat outside, you should dig a hole with it and then cover your excrement.
19 “You must not make your brother pay interest,+ whether interest on money, on food, or on anything on which interest may be charged. 20 You may make a foreigner pay interest,+but you must not make your brother pay interest
24 “If you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat enough grapes to satisfy your appetite,* but you should not put any in your container.+
10 If a man becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission,+ he should go outside the camp and not reenter the camp.
13. When you squat outside, you should dig a hole with it and then cover your excrement.
Do you follow these ones,Sam?
Frank,
These are very usefull guidelines for how we should behave when on a camping trip.
There are also very usefull guidelines for how to deal with rebellious and naughty children in Deutronomy 21:
” If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” 21 Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death.