Imagine there’s no gurus
It’s easy if you try
No cults and followers
No pie in the sky

Imagine all the people
With a working brain
Ah-ah-ahaha

Imagine no love bombing
No kumbaya
No laughing gas-lighting
No Rollies and Rollers

Imagine all the people
Free to speak their minds
You-ooh-oohoohoo

You may say I’m not a believer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
Without Uzis and handguns

Imagine no sterilisation
I wonder if you can
No need for kiddie fiddlers
Or bio-terrorism plans

Imagine all the people
Without predators and prey
You-ooh-oohoohoo

You may say he’s enlightened
When he tells you to suck his dick
He may say this is a device for your benefit
You may say he’s just a prick.

https://youtu.be/CmlnO1EwCT4?si=yeh1M2sqTecnS7LS

I don’t believe in cultists
I don’t believe in anti-cultists
I don’t believe in baboons
I don’t believe in alcoholics
I don’t believe in therapists
I don’t believe in rapists
I don`t believe in Rolls Royces
I don`t believe in devices
I don`t believe in mind
I don`t believe in no-mind
I don’t believe in psychedelics
I don’t believe in valium
I don’t believe in sannyasins
I don’t believe in ex-sannyasins
I don`t believe in enlightenment
I don`t believe in gaslightenment
I don’t believe in Yogi
I don’t believe in Bhorat
I don`t believe in yahoo
I don’t believe in hari om
I don’t believe in garden gnomes
I don`t believe in oversized chuddies
I don’t believe in masters
I don`t believe in master-debaters.

Dream is over.

Simon offers a very simple teaching.
He says, “First person to say I’m enlightened is disqualified, as there are NO enlightened people, a wave is not separate from the ocean”.

Other quotes,
“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water.
You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.
You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle
You put water into a mindless follower, and it comes out of their ears.”

“Reject humanity, they pollute the oceans
Humans are already 70% water, only 30% to go.”

“Water can flow or it can crash.
Be like water, my friend.”

“Merry Fishmas”

During the salmon spawning season, (Nov-Jan) celebrities line up for his Darshan and to catch Sri Simon’s milt (male seminal fluid) spraying onto their faces, which makes an excellent rejuvenating face cream!

Simon’s had some mixed reviews:
“A slick and slimy guru”
“sounds fishy, looks fishy”
“totally badass, he’s got the swag”
“a deranged would-be prophet”
“a whirling Derfish, totally cheered me up (Sadhguru)”

It’ll eat you up, bad for your liver
By the way, where are your caregivers?

Most seekers don’t know, you had chronic epileptic seizures
You couldn’t care for yourself, so you had feeders

They must have thought it an enlightened state
When you wobbling like a jelly with a shaky gait

I’m da SpaceX rocket for da nondual scene
I created a movement it’s goin’ mainstream

Sure I like ma food, Im a greedy hog
A cookie monster and a horny dog

It grounds ma body, what can I say?
I do it for y’all so I don’t float away

I’m strictly old school and a fan of Vedic polyamory
Krishna had 16,108 wives, that’s a lot of sweet mammaries!

What about Shiva, his crazy dick and girlfriends?
Without a booty call humanity would end

It’s ok to fuck now, haven’t you heard?
Just don’t bang Lakshmi the cow, if there’s a bull in the herd!

I said wake up and roar, not wake up and bore
You stealin my lines, you want some more?

Here it is, you should try it
Shut da fuck up and “Just Keep Quiet!”

Pretty masterfully composed.

Me no can do same. Truth.

The satsang scene has gone down the drain,
your satsang junkies don`t even have half a brain,
it`s a social club for the clinically insane,
and you and homies are the ones to blame.

Shaking all those fleas off of your back.
you unleashed a tsunami of spiritual cack.
I`ll say one thing for your version of Advaita
It really couldn`t get even a little bit shite-er.

Wake up and roar at the cricket on your telly,
and stuff your fat ass with milk-sweet and jelly,
cos one thing never got enlightened and that`s your belly.

You got caught up in sex, food and cricket,
now you`re tossing your balls on a very sticky wicket.
With all those gora girls hanging on everything you said,
you started playing the field with your third leg.
Just one glimpse of some gora rump
you lost control, and pulled out your middle stump.
I didn`t need to bowl a maiden over
cos I`m a one-off, a hard core loner.
That`s the thing about brahmacharya,
you can ride a cow, but you don`t have to marry her.
Unlike you with your fooling and your blagging
I can say, hand on heart: Nothing Ever Happened